


infinitesimal

by ClementineKitten



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, Post Season 7, a bit of a character/relationship study, bi lance and gay shiro (tm), i am an unapologetic Lance Stan, is astral plane even a canon name wth, s7 got me like: boi., this is my first voltron fanfic i hope it's decent??, why is that the title? well it's because i love mother mother my guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 14:05:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15664704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClementineKitten/pseuds/ClementineKitten
Summary: "there's a million, billion, trillion of stars,but i'm down here low, fussing over scarson my soul, on my soul, on my soul, on my soul"-infinitesimal, mother mother (the sticks)After the events of the Galra attack on Earth, Lance visits Shiro as he recovers and they have a much needed discussion.





	infinitesimal

“Shiro?”

The announcement of his name came with a few soft knocks on the door of the aforementioned Shiro’s hospital room. The man shifted in his bed, feeling a dull pain rattle his bones as he moved. “Come in,” he hummed in response. The knob turned and a familiar boy entered, wearing a gentle, pained smile.

“Hey, Lance,” Shiro greeted. “You’re cleared for moving around?” Rubbing the back of his neck almost sheepishly, the boy nodded in response. 

“Yup. Only around here, though, so I’ve been checking up on everyone.” Lance plopped down into a chair beside his old leader’s bed. It isn’t lost on him that although he had his family visiting him, Shiro is completely alone.“They’re… Good. It’s crazy how we’re all still alive,” he sighed, running a hand through his bangs. 

“...Yeah.” Shiro averted his gaze from his teammate to look around his small room, focusing on a blank piece of wall. Lance’s brow furrowed.

“You okay, man?” He seemed to realize what a loaded question that was and backtracked accordingly. “I mean, like, a lot of stuff happened, but we survived, yeah? I’ve just never seen you so down. It, uh, it’s understandable, but, uh…” After a few moments, Shiro’s eyes turned back to Lance and the boy quieted. He held an even, stoic gaze with his teammate.

“Lance, you know how when we were watching the ceremony, they thanked all of the crew members who had died fighting the Galra forces?” Lance nodded solemnly, trying to ignore the cold guilt he felt knot in his stomach. Shiro took a deep breath. “One of them - Adam - was my… fiance.” Lance’s eyes widened as Shiro continued. “Well. Ex-fiance.”

Shiro watched Lance as he took a moment to process the information. He felt some semblance of fear, a fear that reminded him of what he felt when he held Adam’s hand or kissed him in public. The fear of rejection, of ostracization- Sure, Lance and him had gone through so much together, and the two of them had faced death time and time again, but Shiro still didn’t know that much about him or his personal life or his opinions on things such as… That.

“Wait, what? You’re- I didn’t know you were-” Lance fumbled with his words, then trailed off. Shiro grimaced slightly.

“I believe the word you’re looking for is _gay_ , Lance,” he said. Lance snapped and pointed a finger at Shiro.

“Yeah! Wait, I meant _engaged_.” Lance looked down at his slippers. “I didn’t know you were gay. And I didn’t know you had a fiance.” He twiddled his thumbs. “Wow. I feel like that’s something I should have asked.” Shiro sniffed.

“Well, to be fair, when you’re defying death, fighting off alien forces, having your life force trapped in a lion, and living in the Astral Plane as a clone takes your place in the team, there’s not much time to bring up ‘by the way, I’m gay, and I’m engaged.’” Shiro’s eyes flashed as he delivered his sarcastic response. Lance winced.

“I, er, I guess not.” A frown tugged at the corner of his lips. “I’m really sorry, Shiro. I can’t even imagine all of the stuff that you went through.” Shiro exhaled, looking strained. He leaned back further into his propped up pillow.

“We’ve all been through hardships. Some things are just more painful than others.” His voice was low, gravelly. Brimming with quiet agony. Lance’s heart squeezed. He doesn’t know if he can properly talk to Shiro in the state he’s in, much less give him advice on how to deal with his situation. Seriously, how the hell do you even start to get over something like that?

He figured that, as with many things, someone else more capable than _him_ should deal with it.

“Do you want me to get Keith? He knew, um, Adam, right? Maybe he’d be better.” Lance began to stand up, but Shiro reached out to stall him.

“Is Keith well enough to move?” the white-haired man asked. To this, Lance shrugged.

“Who knows? I was gonna go visit him after talking to you.” The tightness in Shiro’s chest loosened a bit as a familiar fondness crosses Lance’s face. “I wanted to give him time to, y’know, _think_.” He placed emphasis on the last word. “After everything with the Blade and his mom and _you_ \- I mean, _clone you_ , he still managed to lead us to victory.”

Shiro nodded stiffly. “He did excellently. I’m very proud of how far he’s come as a paladin, a leader, and a person.” Lance smiled slightly.

“So, do you want me to bring him in? If he can’t walk, I’ll carry him here,” Lance offered. “Bridal style.” He winked and finger-gunned, in an attempt to diffuse the heavy atmosphere. And though the concept of loud, cheeky Lance carrying quiet, hot-headed Keith in his arms as he runs through the halls to deliver him to his faux-brother is quite amusing to Shiro, he shook his head.

“No, that’s alright. I’m sure he’ll come talk to me when he’s ready.” Shiro was certain that Keith wouldn’t mind being brought in by Lance in such a fashion, no matter how much he protested, but he decided not to bring that part up. Lance settled back down into the stool he was sitting in.

After a few heartbeats of silence, Lance spoke up, his voice quieter now. “Was Keith close with Adam?” he asked. “Wait-wait-wait, don’t answer that, that was a bad question to ask-”

“Lance, it’s _alright_. We’re a team. We can talk about these things.” Shiro quickly cut him off. Lance’s mouth fell shut. “Adam was a staff member of the Garrison, so of course Keith _knew_ him. But since I was like a father figure to him, he got to know him pretty well. He was one of my flight partners, after all. Keith and I would take joy rides with him.” Dark, heavy sorrow shone in Shiro’s dark eyes. “I miss him so much.”

“Shiro…” Lance didn’t know what to say. 

“When I left for Kerberos, he was… angry with me. He didn’t want me to put myself in danger again. That’s when we broke it off.” Shiro’s eyes found the ceiling. “And I left, and I didn’t come back. The last memories I have of Adam are him being upset, and I can’t even apologize anymore.” Both of the man’s hands balled into fists. His Altean prosthetic made the noise of clinking metal. “I can’t say thank you, or sorry, or tell him I love him ever again.” His eyes squeezed shut, painfully. “I wasn’t there to protect him when he needed me.”

Lance reached out to touch Shiro, then hesitated. He awkwardly placed a hand on the man’s shoulder. “I don’t know exactly what kinda relationship you two had, but I bet Adam still loved you a lot, too.” Shiro’s throat tightened and he swallowed thickly. “Like, I mean, he couldn’t possibly still be mad at you forever, right?” He offered a smile. “I think he must’ve missed you a lot, too.”

“I know he just wanted me to keep myself safe, but I was stressed, and I _had_ to go on that mission.” Shiro looked down at his prosthetic arm. “Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve stayed behind, and if I could’ve saved Adam. But,” he said as he inhaled, staving off the tears that are threatening to jump from his eyes, “you can’t live in the past. I need to face forward, and move on. Adam was always smart, and headstrong, always looking towards the future. I should, too. For him.”

Lance felt torn as he faced this broken man. This man, who had sacrificed so much to get them to this point, this man who gave up everything for Voltron, this man who returned to his planet only to find that there was no one waiting for him upon his arrival. It was enough to make Lance break down in tears, but Shiro seemed to be holding it together. He had been through so much, Lance realized, and yet he still remained a pillar for Keith, himself, and every other member of Voltron.

“That’s good and all,” Lance started, unsure as to how he was going to reply to that. “But I think it’s okay for you to wallow for a bit. You don’t, y’know, need to be strong all the time, Shiro. We have Keith- we have each other. We’ll support you if you need to be sad.” He took his hand off of Shiro’s shoulder and gave him a tentative thumbs up. “You don’t need to be a big, hulking mass of angst that listens to everyone’s problems and never tells anyone yours.”

Shiro coughed out a dry laugh at the sentiment. “I guess so. Thank you, Lance. I am very glad that Voltron turned into such a welcoming place for everyone.” He let out a small sigh. “But I should apologize to you, too.”

Surprise lit up Lance’s face. “Me? Why?”

“My clone said some really horrible things to you. I have his memories, since, well, this is his body, and what he said was completely out of line.” Their eyes met. “So, I’m sorry.”

Then it was Lance’s turn to laugh. “Shiro, none of that was your fault! It was your crazy evil clone! You don’t have to apologize for that!” he snickered softly. Shiro’s troubled expression didn’t shift. “But, I mean, if it’s bothering you, I accept your apology.”

Lance grabbed his arms, crossing them awkwardly. “I’m sorry for not noticing earlier. You called out to me in the Astral Plane, but I didn’t know what you were saying. I was the only one you reached out to, and I-” His throat burned, his mouth dry. Shiro frowned.

“I trusted you, Lance, and that’s why I chose you. My incoherence wasn’t your fault,” he insisted. Lance’s jaw tightened despite the man’s comforting words, and he broke eye contact, looking anywhere except his old leader’s face. 

“Sometimes it feels like I should be the person with the least trust placed in me,” he huffed quietly. “I mean, I am the dumb one, after all,” he said bitterly. Shiro gave him a disapproving look.

“That’s not true, Lance. You’re very talented, and everyone on the team respects you and trusts you.” Shiro’s gaze was as hard as steel, a scrutinizing glare set upon his face. “You don’t need to belittle yourself.”

Lance flushed, his face reddening slightly. “Oh. Thanks, Shiro.” He scratched the back of his neck.

“I’m pretty sure I heard Keith once call you his right hand man. We know you’re smart,” Shiro continued, blowing an unruly tuft of white hair out of his face. Lance balked.

“Keith said _that_?” Lance replied, his voice dripping with disbelief. Shiro stifled a chuckle at the paladin’s reaction.

“You look pleased,” Shiro commented. If Takashi Shirogane could be smug, that’s what he was channelling right then. Lance pursed his lips.

“Nu-uh! I’m just glad that our resident emo has acknowledged my greatness.” Lance managed one of his signature smiles, and Shiro watched him, a bemused expression falling over his tense face.

“Well, speaking of our _resident emo_ , you said you were gonna visit Keith after me, right? Why don’t you go and speak with him now.” Shiro gave Lance a light smile. “I think he would be happy to see one of his teammates, after everything that’s happened.” Lance nodded slightly, as if this was something he had thought about, too.

“I guess I will, then. Go and see first in command.” Another finger-guns. Lance stood up from his seat and brushed off his jeans, then pushed his bangs back. He stepped away, tip-toeing around the stool and the bed and making his way to the entrance to the room. As he reached the door, though, he paused, hand resting on the knob.

“Hey, Shiro. One more thing.” Lance could feel the heat that crept up his neck and started to spread into his face. He was very aware of it, in fact, because he suddenly felt incredibly uncomfortable, standing there in that hospital room.

“Yes, Lance?” Shiro had settled back into his pillow, flipped over on one side so that he faced Lance’s backside. The boy turned slightly, so that his dark blue eyes met Shiro’s grey ones.

“About the gay thing. That’s fine. Super cool, even!” Shiro watched Lance fumble awkwardly with his words. It was amusing. “Because, well, you know…”

“... No, Lance. I don’t know.” This was what Shiro said, but he had a feeling he knew what Lance was going to say next. 

“Well, I, er… I like boys, too. ‘Too’ meaning as well as girls. So I feel you. Solidarity, amirite?” Lance chuckled, though he looked horribly uncomfortable, and a bit afraid, if Shiro wasn’t mistaken. “Wow, I haven’t really said that out loud. Except to Veronica. And some other family.”

“That’s great, Lance. I’m glad you told me.” Lance exhaled a breath he didn’t realize he was holding at Shiro’s nonchalant, but warm nonetheless, reply.

“Thanks, man. I’m, uh, gonna go visit Keith now.” The boy turned the doorknob quite violently and thrust himself into the hallway. Shiro watched him go, his expression a mixture of knowing, and of pride.

**Author's Note:**

> reasons i am lance mcclain:  
> -insecure about usefulness  
> -bisexual mess  
> -finger guns  
> my friend jules CYBERBULLIED ME INTO POSTING THIS jk she was very sweet and encouraged me to do so ly <3  
> sorry if there are weird tenses at times, i wrote the whole thing in present tense, then went "wait that's weird"   
> then changed it to past  
> i was kind of. scared to post this bc this fandom makes me very nervous at times  
> like obviously there are so many amazing people in it but especially after the events of season 7 it's like a   
> warzone. i mean, i'm really upset, too, but i try to stay out of the discourse. besides that, i hope you  
> enjoyed reading this!! i wrote it out of spite for the mistreatment of my boys lance & shiro. lance is not dumb  
> and shiro needs to rest, you fools!!  
> <3


End file.
